Top 10 Things I'm Looking Forward to Doing in Los Angeles

Top 10 Things I’m Looking Forward to doing in Los Angeles!

I’ve made my decision! In alignment with the famous song from Pinocchio, “High didley dee, the actor’s life for me.” I’ve been kidnapped by my soul to go down to the city where dreams are made. Never having lived in a city with more than 500,000 people (aside from study abroad), I now throw myself into the entertainment city home to millions, the ‘valley of smoke’ (as called by the Native Americans), and the city with the longest name in the World! El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Angeles del Río de Porciúncula. Here are the Top 10 things I’m looking forward to doing in Los Angeles…

(#10) Meet a waitress who is NOT an aspiring actor

We’ve heard all the rumors. “Every waiter and waitress down in LA is an aspiring actor.” Every? Really? Well, I’d like to find one, just one, who is not waitressing as a mere pit stop on the way to Hollywood stardom. I want to find that one who is in it because she really loves what she is doing and was born to do it – remembering the orders, bringing the ketchup, taking my burger back because it’s too cold, never forgetting to bring the straw for my drink, not pressuring me for dessert…and doing it all with a smile.

(#9) See the real life Barbie

It only took being made fun of one time for me to stop hanging out the beautiful blonde Barbie doll as a kid. But now, she has grown into full adulthood as I now am (well, sort of). She is big, busty, still plastic, and I’ve heard the rumors she lives in LA. I can’t wait for my reunion with her and her many duplicates wandering the streets of LA looking for their Kens.

(#8) Go to all you can eat Persian lunch

What’s better than a meal of Persian food? It’s a meal of unlimited Persian food! LA is one of the few places I’ve know where rumors of such a heavenly God-send exist. My first goal is to find this golden place, and my second goal is to get kicked out for eating too much (although I think Persian hospitality makes that impossible).

(#7) Go cruising on Sunset boulevard

It’s Friday night, the people are out, wearing their hundred (or thousand?) dollar dresses and suits, expensive and fine dining, and the aromas of Calvin Klein and Illusion interspersing throughout the streets. I thought I looked good in my Turkish suit until I stepped onto Sunset… the LA fashion industry competition is on…

(#6) Going to a Los Angeles Lakers Game

I’ve had to hide my true feelings long enough. Growing up in Reno and Sacramento, both dominated by Kings fans, the question I always feared at the school lunch table was, “Who’s your favorite NBA team?” Rather than become the social outcast of the group, I always answered with a smile, “The Kings, of course.” But now, I can let my true inner feelings come out and support the man who man Japanese Kobe beef famous and the Spaniard who brings back memories of my favorite movie Gladiator. Let the yellow and purple shine brighter than the Sun(s).

(#5) See the Tonight Show with Jay Leno

Jay Leno is my hero and savior. He rescued me from many potential lonely nights as a child. Sneaking into the Tv room after my 10pm bedtime, I would turn on the television to see Jay shaking hands and making jokes with the audience, while Kevin interrupted with his goofy statements. I dreamed that one day, I too, would be in the front row and shaking Jay Leno’s hand. Now is my chance. I knew there was a reason Jay got his spot back from Conan – destiny.

(#4) Take a nap on Santa Monica beach

Ahh, the beach. The real ocean, sand, and girls in bikinis on roller blades. I’ve seen it on all the TV shows and now it’s my time to be there. All I want to do is make a pillow out of a small mound of dirt, exactly five inches off the ground, throw my t shirt over my face, and take a nice, long nap while the sea gulls sing in the background.

(#3) Get Discovered in the Mall

You’ve all heard the stories. Whether it’s Justin Bieber singing in his room or Paris Hilton ‘dancing’ in her room, or the cute girl with the million dollar smile working at Yogurtland, spotted by the Tv director on his way to get a scoop of Superfruit tart, the story ends the same – stardom. I too want to be discovered. I can see it now, sitting in the food court, sipping on my cherry-mango Jamba juice, eavesdropping on the young couple’s conversation next to me about what movie to see, when Ridley Scott (Director of Gladiator) approaches me, “Hi. I am Ridley. You can call me by my nickname R-Scott. You know, we’ve got this film going into production tomorrow, and you’ve got just the look we’re after. Why don’t you come on by my office so we can get you your first million and contract signed. Oh, and you’ll be playing alongside Megan Fox. I hope you don’t mind?” Hollywood Dreams, can’t wait!

(#2) Paparazzi

I’ve seen their photos on the tabloids at the Safeway checkout aisle, their videos on youtube, the film Mel Gibson made about them, and their battles with Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. But, I’ve been on the sidelines long enough. It’s now time to see them in action -- dispersed and disguised as tourists, roaming Rodeo drive, hidden cameras in their trench coats. The signal comes on the airwaves… Heidi Montag - buying clothes. They mobilize quickly, putting the timing of covert Navy seal militia to shame. Cameras out, running feet, shooting at the scene, flashing lights, all is a blur…the dust settles and all that remains… is an angry celebrity.

(#1) Get out of my car and dance in traffic

If I’m going to the city of entertainment, I sure as heck better entertain. What better way to divert the thoughts of hating the drivers in front of us for having been born, than to do some dancing on the top of my car? Entertainers are supposed to stand out some way, right? Giving out some laughs to angry drivers would be a great way to give back.

And that’s My Top 10 for LA!